When I was a little girl, I had a love for index cards. Questions on one blank side. Answers on the other lined side. Forget about side-swiping, finger-punching, and button-pushing technological gadgets. No. Nothing beat index cards. Hand held. Easy to carry. Totally user-friendly. Made me completely happy and giddy.
These index cards became my best friends when my first kidney transplant began to fail by 11-years-old. Almost all the adults spoke around me or behind me as though I was not in the room. I, in turn, got loud and obnoxious by whipping out my index cards to fire out all my questions and with a know-it-all attitude to give me the answers and tell me the truth. Even now, I will go into a doctor’s appointment with a list of questions expecting answers. However, I learned at a young age that there many in ‘authority’ who see ‘questions’ as non-compliance or troublemaking. Good thing I like to make trouble. ;-) And, just so you know now, one of my major intolerable pet peeves is when people are talking about me in the third person when I am right in the room. Have you experienced that? The truth never really hurt me. Reality did not hurt. It was people and lies and bubble wrapping me that was the ultimate hurt and betrayal to me.
I still remember when my dad was on the phone with my sister and said, “Well, she needs a second kidney transplant. If she does not get it then…”
My mind tuned out my dad by then, because I had known the truth even before my Dad knew when my first kidney transplant was failing. I was the one in my body. I surely knew my body was failing and betraying me. I just did not know what was to come. Do any of us ever really know what is to come when our lives are turned upside down, though? It was just a matter of time until I had to be truthful and honest with myself. That is the hardest part: Being honest with yourself—about your limitations, about what you are about to face and fight, about trying to trust the process, and about your vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Oh, and trust me, life will rear its ugly head and force you to face the truth no matter how much you do not want to face it. Suffice to say, my life and I have never been bubble wrapped. The intent of bubble wrap is protection from breaking, but perhaps we are all meant to crack and break at some point to put our pieces together again and better than ever. Shelter and protection from the truth can only last for so long. The truth always has a way of coming out. Being as un-bubbled as ever builds for strong character and strength that is immeasurable.
So, let’s be truthful here. There are moments in your life that you remember as clear as day and like it was yesterday. These moments will replay over and over in your mind like a movie that you are watching on the outside looking inside. And when you watch the movie, you may wish there was something or anything that you could change, but you can’t. It is like an outer body experience. These moments are filled with truths that are biting and frightening, testing and challenging us if we can fall to get back up again or just stay fallen. When I think about it, no one had ever really blatantly and bluntly told me the truth about anything in my life that was about to change my life. I somehow always knew. I knew when my life was about to significantly change. I knew when there was an ending on the near horizon to make room for a new, scary, and frightening beginning. Call it a gut feeling. Call it intuition and instinct. I somehow always knew truths before it was even told me. And, when I knew, I could only lie for so long until I stepped up up to dig deeper and find out more about the truth to face and endure what was to come.
‘Bubble wrapping’ ourselves or being ‘bubble wrapped’ by others comes with consequences that can hurt us in the long run. Would you rather know the truth no matter how much it may hurt? Is honesty really the best policy? Is it harder to be honest with ourselves than with others? Is it sometimes better NOT to know for the sake of kindness and gentleness? Would you tell the truth knowing it would hurt someone? Have you ever been bubble wrapped or bubble wrapped yourself?
Keep smilin’ until we meet again,