On a sweltering
summer day in 2017, I was sitting in the passenger side of a Tonka truck of a
car with a guy that I had originally met at a meet-up event. It was my third time meeting up with him. This was not a ‘date’
or anything romantic. In fact, this his
guy proceeded to berate me for how nice and naïve I was. “Mary,” he said
frustrated like I was a stupid child, “you cannot be so naïve to think that
meet-up is a place where people just want to make friends! It is a cover up for lonely souls who are
looking for that soulmate! It is a façade
of a dating website like Match.com or EHarmony!” I bluntly said to
him, “I do not believe in dating websites.
Dating websites feed off of people’s emotions that if you are single or
alone then you are lonely and need to find someone because of this stupid
societal thought that a single person is incomplete. Also, think about this—if you are getting a
list of people then that person and all the other people are getting lists of
people. but I do not list people. I have a shopping list of eggs, milk, and cheese,
but I do not have a human people list of Billy, Bob, and Ben.” “Well, now you make
me feel bad for going on dating websites.
I once dated eight women at the same time,” he said sheepishly. “I do not think that
is anything to be proud of,” I said. Then, I felt bad
because he had all shades of shame colored on his face. So, I said to him, “I can’t tell you how to
live your life. It’s not my place. If that’s your thing to go on dating
websites, then go on dating websites. But,
that’s not my thing. And, yeah, maybe I
am naïve and nice. I just want to
get to know people and then whatever happens is whatever happens. It takes a long
time to get to know people. Relationships and people are not instantaneous
and are not supposed to be treated like garbage.” He said, “Well, that’s
a nice and naïve thought this day in age.”
I rebutted, “What a
sad society we live in where nice is seen as weak. What a sad society we live
in where people are treated like ‘test runs’ and then tossed aside like
yesterday’s news and thrown away like garbage if you do not meet unrealistic expectations.”
Before he dropped me
off at my place, his words echoed many people who have said to me: “Single opposite sex individuals cannot be
friends with one another. There will
always be an attraction or a question wafting in the back of the mind of the
potential of being with that person. Singles versus couples with children or
couples around the same age who do not have children cannot really be friends
because they lack common ground in a society that praises having a family over
being single.” My response: “This is
all bullshit. You cannot categorize and
box in people and relationships. You
cannot put yourself in places like dating websites where you can be thrown away
like garbage. Just take people and
relationships and relations as they come.”
I decided long ago
that I would be treated like a priority and not an option, and vice versa. It feels like we live in times when people
are just options and objects rather than priorities and people. I am not a saint—I surely am guilty of having
thrown out garbage when it was toxic and rotting to me, and I have been treated
like garbage. It is a very vicious
cycle. The bottom line is to always
realize and stay true to your worth and respect yourself because no one else is
going to be your worth or give you respect otherwise. We live in times
where we treat people like garbage. It
seems like people are treated more disposed off, disregarded, and are discarded
than ever before. We even treat objects
better than people and people like objects. When have you been tossed aside,
thrown away, or just a back burner and option rather than a priority? When have you taken out the garbage, and is
it difficult for you to do so? Do you
think singles of the opposite six can be friends? Do you think singles and couples with and
without children can be friends? What is
your worth? Keep smilin’ until we
meet again, Mary ;-) |
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