My earliest memory of my
grandmother is meat. Juicy and succulent
Chinese pork meat drenched in oily and fatty sauce dripping down your overjoyed
face at the tenderness and love that she put into that pork meat. My Grandmother and I couldn’t communicate
through spoken words as she grew up in Shanghai speaking the Shanghainese
dialect and I grew up as ABC-American-Born Chinese, only being able to speak
English. Instead, we created our only
loving grandparent and granddaughter language through body language, hand
gestures, facial expressions, and, of course, food. Every time I saw her, she had a steamy pot of
Chinese pork ribs ready for me greedy mouth and hungry tummy. It was these little things that showed me that she loved me and that she cared deeply for me. I did not meet my
grandmother until I was about 8-years-old.
Many would say this is later in life, and my father always wished that I
had met and known my grandparents (his parents) sooner as he believed
grandparents were instrumental and the ultimate key to understanding our roots
and living and breathing history. Were
your grandparents instrumental or had involvement in your life? My grandmother was the
epitome of gentle, loving, soft-spoken, and caring—caring too much. You could even say worried too much. Worry warts and overly caring are traits that
have run in the Wu family since the beginning of time. Then again, what is exactly the difference
between caring and worrying too much? Do
they fall along the same lines? As the
years continue to pass by faster at the speed of light, I wish harder that I
did not care so much at all. It isn’t
that I care about what others think of me—believe me that I couldn’t care less
what people think about me, but I always have the people I care about and what
they are going through on my mind. I
inherited the Wu gene of caring too much and, God forbid, being told I am
overly sensitive. When was being
sensitive a bad trait? I have tirelessly tried to
care less, because caring hurts and the person it hurts the most is the person
who cares the most. I envy those who
could care less. There have been
many times that I wanted to be like these people because it seems like they do
not feel the immense hurt that comes with the territory of immense caring. It eventually hit me at some point that it is
not about overly caring or under caring, but it is about “whatever.” Whatever possess a very negative connotation
of possibly not caring at all, but I am now seeing “whatever” is let whatever
happens, happens and to try even harder not to attach to people, things, and
experiences. How can something that
seems so easy in words be so hard to act?
I do not think I can ever completely remove the Wu caring gene, but am
taking steps and strides in the right direction of at least realizing who it
worth caring about and who isn’t. The
truth is, not everyone is worth the steps and strides, but for those that are,
I rejoice in the caring gene. I rejoice
in caring because it is better to hurt and develop compassion than not hurt and
be indifferent. I give my gratitude to
my grandmother and the caring gene that has run deep in our family that all
boils down to the beauty of love. And, you always remember and know the ones who REALLY care about you and are really worthwhile. Have you been told that
you are sensitive or even overly sensitive as though it is a negative
trait? Have you wished that you could just be ‘whatever’
to what you end up caring immensely about?
Is caring too much the same as worrying too much? Were you ever told that you do not care and
are cold or callous, which may just really be a protective mechanism? Here is to “Whatever”—whatever
happens, happens..whatever may be, will be. Keep smilin’ until we
meet again, Mary ;-) |
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