Recently, I did something I rarely ever do: I had a hearty one hour lunch with a couple colleagues.
Many do not believe me when I say that I prefer and like to eat lunch alone at work. I think many see me as this social animal of a person that cannot be alone and constantly needs companionship. On the contrary, as much of a social animal and extrovert as I can be and am, I can be just as quiet, introspective, reflective, and isolated. My mentality has pretty much always stood that I have to enjoy my very own company first and foremost before enjoying the company of others. After all, if you can’t enjoy your own company then how can there be the expectation for others to enjoy your company? I need my alone time. I require me time. So, yes, cheers to me, myself, and I—alas, I am okay and more than happy in my very own company.
Unfortunately, the people I sat with talked about a topic that made me very uncomfortable and nearly regretful of NOT eating lunch alone. They began to talk about all the various revolving doors of ‘relationships’ they have been in. I had little to contribute. Even less to say. Actually, I had nothing to say.
I never felt like I fit in and belonged with the many who go through people faster than creating and throwing out garbage or reduce, reuse, and recycle items. I do not understand people ‘test driving’ people like they are cars or treating objects better than people because people have feelings and emotions. I never understood such terms as ‘one night stands,’ ‘hook-ups, and ‘friends with benefits.’ I do not understand having sex, having children, and living together before marriage. If you love someone, why are there all these ‘prerequisites’ of sexual compatibility and experimenting that everything works out with living together to then agree to marriage? Especially, when life is forever full of tests and challenges? Most of all, I never understood how people can claim they are in love and stare all googly-eyed at one another and compromise their morals only to break apart and break and hurt each other later on when life intervenes with the hardest of times challenging how strong a person and a relationship can be.
People say that I am old-fashioned—too fussy, too rigid, and think too much. All these words said to me come off almost as accusations, as though I am the one to blame for believing in me, myself, and I as well as my morals. It’s hard to stay strong and stay true to me and my principles, morals, and beliefs when I am the minority, but I know it would be even harder and downright impossible for me to go against all that I stand for and all that I am. I take my relationships very seriously. I am all or nothing—all in or out of a relationship. I am not a one-night stand and revolving doors of ‘relationships’ kind of gal. I believe in nurturing relationships with people with time, listening ears, big hugs, my complete presence in the best and worst of times, patience, and love. Believe me, I am not saint in that I have hurt people as well and that has hurt me just as much and if not more. In general, I do not think people mean to hurt others, but I tell you this much that I rather be the one getting hurt than hurting someone else. As painful as it is to be on the receiving end from someone who has hurt me, I never want to be the one who was the cause and effect to someone else’s pain resulting in distrust, disloyalty, and disrespect. I want to handle my relationships with care because it takes the longest time to build a relationship, but it can take just one thing for a relationship to crumble to the ground.
Probably one of the most important things to me is how I treat people and the relationships I have with people while staying true to my supposed ‘old-fashioned’ ways. As a young child of divorced parents and having experienced the indirect yet direct receiving end of betrayal, abandonment, and the ugly disintegration, I see and stay strong to how I want to and work to be. I want to be that person who handles my relationships and people with care and, sadly, I increasingly feel that we live in times where people do not handle these precious gifts with care, consideration, love, and respect.
We have all been hurt at some point by someone, but how has the pain affected you and how you treat people and yourself? Can you be in and are you happy with yourself and your own company before the company of others? Who do you handle with care?
Keep smilin’ until we meet again,