From the moment I learned of a grapefruit/Tuscan cantaloupe (I
call it is a Tuscan cantaloupe because they are smaller than Americana cantaloupes)
making a home out of my uterus nearly two months ago, I declared:“Take it out
of me.” Never did I imagine that my wish would come true that the mass
would have to be removed along with my uterus.
Never did I foresee that I would have a hysterectomy at 32-years-old. All the crystal balls in the world could not
have seen this coming. But, this is the thing about life: It never works according to
how we see or how we plan. For me, I was
very easy to accept and even happy about the news because it was a clear cut
answer for me to get the hysterectomy rather than let a foreign Tuscan melon
continue to grow and make a home out of my uterus decked out with wallpaper and
flowered drapes. The worst is when there
are not clear answers to take care of the unknown, new, and scary. I was more so unhappy that I was going to
have to endure yet another surgical procedure, but most happy that my body
confirmed my sixth sense desire of never wanting to have children. Many have been
stunned by my euphoric joy and jokes at the “cantaloupe extraction,” “cantaloupe
cut out,” and “My Immaculate Conception” label that I’ve slapped on to that phase
of my life. Many have been shocked at
how open I have been to announce that I’m getting a hysterectomy. Believe it or not, I must even confess that I
became a little shy and awkward to share this hysterectomy news due to the
reactions that I’ve been receiving. The reaction to the news has differed significantly from my
hip replacement and kidney transplants. Male
reactions are typical due to the vastly differing anatomy and functions of men
and women: awkward, speechless, and, simply, not knowing what to say so they
say nothing. Mainly, pity glistens in the
eyes of women and especially women who are already mothers via childbirth and asking: “Are you
OK with that?” When I ask, “What’s ‘that’ that you are referring to?” They look at me like I am an idiot and confirm, “Well, having
children, of course.” Ah, yes, of course.
Women having children. Because,
this is what women do. Because, women
having children is what makes us different from men. Because, apparently, a woman is not a woman
until she grows breast, has her monthly period, and, above all else, bears
children. Clearly, women who are able to
and can have children naturally are on the pedestal in this society rather than
women who cannot have children. My response to the many who have somehow deemed that a woman
is a woman when she bears children is, “Well, what about adoption? Does this mean that a woman who adopts is not
a mother? Not a woman?” As I explained to one of my friends, “I learned long ago from
my stepmother TC who is the epitome of a wonder woman and woman that a mother
and woman is someone who carries you throughout life and not just nine months
in the womb or uterus. TC has been more
of a woman and mother to me than my very own mother.” More now than ever, I see the definition and meaning of a
woman as vastly different from the moral majority society. I see a “Wonder Woman” view, which is a woman
who is simply a person who is full of substance rather than surface, grace,
strength, and faith through life’s most difficult and daunting challenges. She can speak up and stand up strong when she
has to, let go when she must to accept the situation as is, never bow down or
play the weak damsel in distress to obtain what is needed, embrace humble and
high-up confidence at the same time, and carry herself high up while supporting
others top notch role model. Many men
and even women who have been accustomed to the usual weaker role may find these
“Wonder Women” (who are most often single) frightening and fighting against the
‘norm.’ If only we could slowly change our views and gender roles that, yes, it
is OK for women to be strong (and not seen as a bitch) and men to be weak (and
not be seen as a loser). In the end, we
are just people. Human beings. Full of flaws and always a work in progress. I have been blessed and surrounded by “Wonder Women” with the
number one being my Stepmother TC. She has always been the quiet and dutiful loyal soldier with always being there to listen to my woes and worries, drive all the way to Manhattan for my appointments, bring me soup and prepare food for my father and me after a long and draining day, and give me advice when I asked. My
big sister is another wonder woman. I
purposely surround myself with wonder women who enhance my life and me by being
there for me in comfort, yet knocking sense into me when needed. Have you thought about the “Wonder Women” in your life who
have supported and guided you through the worst possible times in your life and
not just there during your happy moments?
Have these “Wonder Women” given off sparks and depth of inner strength,
character, and beauty that shines on to the outside to envelope and become you? It is really not easy to be a woman. Then again, it is really not easy to be a
person this day in age with constant internal and external pressures and
chaos. In order to make it easier, just
be the wonderful and wondrous person you truly are. And, that brings me to my final question, Have you thought
about and are ready to fulfill the “Wonder Woman” in you to embrace and be? Here is to all the "Wonder Women" and people in my life and to this upcoming surgery that I pray will not be postponed due to a chest cold/allergy thing that I am battling with! If this surgery is meant to be, then it will take place. Now, that is the "Wonder Woman" in me speaking through and through :-) Keep smilin’, Mary ;-) |
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