It was only a 45 minute train ride from Grand Central Station back to where I live. I just about never go into Manhattan on a weeknight, but I mustered up as much energy and enthusiasm as I could to go into the city this night to root on my sister who was having her documentary screening. I was extremely wired tired with replaying probably one of the worst weeks I had in awhile that left me exhausted, stressed, anxious, and extremely mistrustful of many when those I came to depend on couldn't come through--no one's fault, but left me disappointed. Strangely, I was actually able to muster up a heavy dosage of almost euphoric enthusiasm for an event that showcased my sister’s talents. I was/am so proud of her.
Truth be told, a lot was playing and replaying in my mind on that train ride—mainly revolved around the past few weeks where certain people from my past who I thought I would never see again and that had ended through no fault of his/her or my own were slowly making their way and presence into my life again. This was not a bad or good thing. It was just a thing that had me thinking about how I never purposefully cut off ties with anyone because I have this strong belief that fate, God, destiny, faith (whatever you want to call it) will play its hand and make its magic if certain people are meant for a certain season and/or reason or to stay, leave, or come back when you least expect it.
Most people I know seem to do one of two things when it comes to dealing with people or a relationship that is on the brink of toxicity: (1) Terminate or (2) Tolerate, with ‘tolerating’ meaning to ignore and/or accept one’s ways as long as they are not full out toxic to you. For me, I try to find and live the middle ground of letting whatever happens, happens and take people as they come. I am no saint. Neither is anyone else. People are prone to make mistakes, and even making the same mistakes with the same people. Everything, everyone is changing, and yet there is a kind of core same to all of us that we hold on to or have as life puts us in a place of change. Though I will never bluntly say to someone “Hey, we are over,” I do have a strong sense when someone/something is over and I silently and quietly sort of let go—not for the other person, but for me. I am just thrown off when someone I let go of inside me revisits me again, because this puts me in a place of total confusion that what I was convinced was an ending will suddenly be a new beginning when I never even imagined that there could be a new beginning ever again. I kept asking and wondering: “Why do certain people come into our lives again just when you are convinced and made your own certain peace in you that it was over?” I pride myself on an answer, but this, time, I was left with continuing questions over answers.
I was trying my best to quiet my mind by falling asleep on the train when an ad caught my attention. I had no clue what the ad was about, but through my half-closed eyes, all I saw was the word “Do-Over.” I suddenly perked up with the wheels in my mind churning at lightning speed that maybe the reason certain people come back in our lives is so you get the chance to ‘do-over’ what you believed was over and done with. And, how often do we really get to experience ‘do-overs’? How often do we get to experience the beauty of making rights from wrongs, re-living our mistakes to learn and make it better again, and the ultimate beauty of second chances?
So, I think I am learning and maybe even getting this. Nothing and no one is really over and done with. Nothing and no one is ever permanent. The purpose of people from the past or anything from the past coming back is the gift of second chances. It gives you a chance to say what you couldn’t say and do what you couldn’t do. It makes you confront yourself and others. If ever you are given the gift of a ‘do-over’ with the someone or something that you believed was over and done with then take it to make it better, to make yourself better, to make life better.
Here is to second chances. How often do we get to do-over what we believed to be over and done with? How often do we get to re-write and re-do what was believed to be done? How often do we get to make something right to someone that we originally made wrong and made a mistake that was certain could not be taken back? When we you revisited by the past so you could go forward in your future? When were you given second chances in life with certain people or life experiences?
Keep smilin’ until we meet again,